


count

by MrGrumpyGills43



Category: Persona 4
Genre: (tbh with how atlus treated him i would feel the same), /romantic love, ? - Freeform, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, SELF HARM MENTION A LITTLE, also, anxiety cannot be magically cured w a relationship, yosuke has anxiety and thinks everyone hates him, yosuke scratches himself raw but its fine, yu wants to help but surprise!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-07
Updated: 2018-01-07
Packaged: 2019-03-01 10:20:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,975
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13292793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MrGrumpyGills43/pseuds/MrGrumpyGills43
Summary: He hates me, he absolutely hates me now. Why did I have to say that! I don’t even believe it.Yosuke was curled up into a corner of the tent, unable to sleep after the Kanji situation. He was rightfully reprimanded by Yu and he knew it, but his anxiety was determined to make sure he never forgot it.Yu hates me all because I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut. Maybe Chie is right and I should just stop talking entirely. Yeah, just be quiet and watch and listen.A soft whimper escaped him as he blinked back tears. King Moron would love to catch him right now, whining and bitching like the lousy wimp he was. He stilled as someone in the tent moved.





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It wasn’t really surprising that Yosuke had a low view of himself. Everyone always found  _ something _ wrong with him. His parents didn’t like that he wasn’t the best at schoolwork or athletic in the slightest. Inaba as a whole hated him since his dad ran Junes. Even his friends found ways to put him down, be it because of his clumsiness or his personality in general. 

That was why when Yu moved to Inaba, he was expecting the same thing from the silver-haired boy. Reassurances were nothing compared to the put downs and his anxiety. As much as Yu tried to convince the brunet that he didn’t care about his flaws, it was often all for naught. 

\--

_ He hates me, he absolutely hates me now. Why did I have to say that! I don’t even believe it.  _ Yosuke was curled up into a corner of the tent, unable to sleep after the Kanji situation. He was rightfully reprimanded by Yu and he knew it, but his anxiety was determined to make sure he never forgot it.  _ Yu hates me all because I couldn’t keep my damn mouth shut. Maybe Chie is right and I should just stop talking entirely. Yeah, just be quiet and watch and listen.  _

A soft whimper escaped him as he blinked back tears. King Moron would love to catch him right now, whining and bitching like the lousy wimp he was. He stilled as someone in the tent moved. 

“Yosuke, are you okay?” Yu whispered, his hand on the brunet’s shoulder. With the lamp off, it was hard for Yosuke to make out any expression Yu was making. He wouldn’t be surprised if he was being examined with disgust or disdain. He deserved it.

Pressing his fingers to the dip in his throat, he attempted to respond normally. “Yeah, ‘m fine, partner! Didn’t mean to wake you up.” Shit, were those tears leaking out? If Yu didn’t think he was pathetic before, he definitely would now.

Moving his belongings closer before laying back down, Yu motioned for Yosuke to roll over. The boy did as he was asked, preparing to be ridiculed. Instead, he was embraced. The decision to bury his face in Yu’s shoulder to muffle his sobs wasn’t a conscious one, but Yosuke found himself doing just that anyway. 

There was no talking while Yosuke wept. Yu, stoic silver Yu, did nothing but hold his best friend. The affection and comfort confused Yosuke. While a part of him was glad that Yu didn’t hate him, another part felt it was nothing more than a ploy. It was a trick Yu set up with the girls to get back at Yosuke for everything he’d done. 

Ignorant of the mess he’d made in Yosuke’s mind, Yu pulled back once the cries softened and ended. He gently bumped his forehead with the brunet’s, eyes searching. “Better?”

Yosuke nodded, glancing down to avoid eye contact. “Yeah,” his voice was raspy and thick. “Sorry about that, partner. It’s not cool to start crying on a trip, huh?” He joked dryly, trying to make light of the situation. 

Yu didn’t reply, although his eyebrows furrowed in concern. It was late and he didn’t want to press the matter. He hoped his decision was for the best. 

In the morning, neither of the two boys spoke over what had happened in the night. Yosuke was back to his normal, sunny self and Yu wasn’t going to ruin that for his best friend. 

\--

The poster wasn’t lying: Yu, Yosuke, and Kanji were all signed up for the crossdressing pageant. As Chie snickered and did his make-up, Yosuke felt his stomach churn in anticipation of the crowd’s reaction. He hadn’t meant for it to go this far. Why did Kashiwagi have to be the one in charge of the girls event? It was always a lose-lose situation when it came to the pervy teacher. 

_ Everyone’s going to laugh and make fun of you and you earned it. What kind of idiot signs his friends up for something without asking! You’re pathetic. Yu and Kanji probably hate you for dragging them into this mess. God, you’re the worst.  _ Yosuke’s ever-present anxiety reprimanded him. He had no choice but to sit through his own mental lecture. There was nothing he could do to stop it, and he  _ really _ didn’t want to cry in front of Chie. She’d never shut up about it if he did. 

As if sensing his partner’s distress, Yu appeared at Yosuke’s side. His stoic nature remained the same even with his total makeover. Taking one of Yosuke’s hands in his, he murmured reassurances quietly. “It’s okay, neither of us are upset. Breathe, it’s okay.”

Yosuke fought his urge of shaking Yu’s hand away and instead concentrated on his friend’s presence. If Chie or anyone else had anything to say about it, he didn’t hear it.  _ Another anxiety attack cured by the one Yu Narukami. The hero is at it again. Give him a break, will you? _

Shaking his head, Yosuke stood and darted to the bathroom. Nothing else was working and he had to do  _ something _ . Leaning heavily on the stall door he began clawing at his neck, arms, and legs. Light pink lines were quick to appear all over, but he paid it no mind. He just wanted it to stop, and if it took scratching until he bled, so be it. 

Of course, Yu had followed him into the bathroom. Not the stall, thankfully, but he was still there. “Yosuke, are you okay? I can convince them that you’re sick or something, but I need to know you’re okay first.”

_ Look! You don’t even have to participate in the trap you set up for the three of you guys. How weak.  _ Things weren’t okay, but Yosuke be damned if he made himself anymore useless to Yu. Pulling on his clothes to hide as much of the scratches he could, he began to recompose himself. The rest of the attack could come later, once he was off the damn stage. 

Minutes passed before he opened the stall door. Immediately, Yu’s hands were all over him. Searching for a fever, claminess, anything, until they pulled Yosuke into a hug. “It’s okay. You’re okay and everything’s going to be okay,” Yu murmured into Yosuke’s neck. 

Yosuke’s hands hung slack at his sides. He never hated the word ‘okay’ as much as he did right then. A part of him wanted to believe his best friend, that it would be over soon. The realistic part of him shook it off and focused on sounding normal. “If we hang out here any longer, we’re going to miss the pageant,” he said, trying to make it sound more like a joke than something he wanted. 

A beat, two, followed before Yu released the brunet, fixing his wig. “You’re right. Let’s get out there and show everyone what cute girls we are, yeah?”

The rest of the pageant went smoothly, Teddie thankfully showing up to steal the spotlight. No one noticed when Yosuke took longer than necessary in the bathroom to change. He wasn’t surprised, but a pit in his stomach formed from disappointment. 

\--

“Breathe, Yosuke. I’m right here, nothing bad is happening.” Yu’s voice was barely above a whisper, but it sounded amplified to Yosuke. “Tell me five things that you can see.”

Confused, Yosuke let his hands fall from his face to look around Yu’s room. His gaze landed on the shelves, eyeing the objects neatly organized there. “A pink origami crane, one of Nanako’s hair ties, your TV…” Shit, what else was there? “Your- your door and you?”

“Good. You’re doing good. Now what are four things that you can physically feel?” Yu continued, brushing a few strands of Yosuke’s hair out of his face. 

“The floor, your futon, my headphone wire…” With each object, his hand felt along. The textures were all different, relaxing. “And your hand.”

“Three things that you can hear?”

“Nanako’s laugh-laughter from downstairs, the TV from downstairs, and your voice.”

“Two things you can smell.”

“The laundry detergent I use and… you.”

“One thing you can taste.”

Without even thinking about it, Yosuke leaned forward to close the gap between the boys. His lips brushed Yu’s before the other pressed further into the kiss. Eyelids fluttering closed, Yosuke brought his hand up to Yu’s chest. His heart was racing, both of theirs were. 

After a moment, Yosuke pulled back. He breathed deeply and began retracting into himself as he realized what he’d done. “Y-you.”

Stunned into silence, Yu could only trace his lips in wonder. Yosuke refused to meet his gaze, his face growing redder by the moment. 

_ Look at what you did, idiot! If he somehow didn’t hate you before, he definitely does now. All that bullshit about wanting to be equals and then you pull this stupid stunt? No wonder everyone hates you. _ Yosuke brought his knees to his chest, shoving back tears. He should go. He should get up and leave… but his body wasn’t moving. 

“Yosuke,” Yu started, his voice slightly deeper than normal. He cleared his throat and tried again. “Yosuke. Yosuke, look at me, please.”

Reluctantly, hesitantly, Yosuke raised his face just enough so one of his eyes could see Yu. The silver-haired boy was red, but he didn’t look angry. 

“Tell me what you’re thinking,” Yu said. It was a request, but it wasn’t demanding. Yosuke knew he could turn it down if he didn’t want to answer. 

He found himself answering anyway. “How stupid that was and how you probably hate me.” His voice was low and he dropped his gaze. “How  _ everyone  _ hates me.”

Tugging gently, Yu pried away both of Yosuke’s hands. He was silent as he rubbed circles into the brunet’s knuckles. The feeling of rough calluses on his skin was soothing, enough to make him relax back into a sitting position. 

“I don’t hate you, Yosuke. I wouldn’t be able to find it in me to hate anyone much less  _ you _ ,” Yu began. His tone was sure, confident, everything Yosuke wished he was. “I’ve been looking up ways to help you for a while now, since the tent incident. Anxiety is hard to deal with, but you're not alone. I love you, and I want to help support you however I can.”

Yosuke felt his heart skip and begin to pick up its pace again. Did, did Yu just confess to him? It shouldn’t be all that surprising since they just kissed, but Yosuke’s brain doubted. “How do I know… how do I know that you’re telling the truth and this isn’t a set-up?”

Calmly, Yu leaned forward to press a kiss to Yosuke’s forehead. Then he kissed his right cheek, left cheek, chin, nose, every available spot on his face. Once finished he rested his head against Yosuke’s. “I’ll tell you everyday. As long as you help me help you by letting me know when and what you need to hear, I’ll do it. That’s a promise.”

Yosuke let his eyes shut, his body almost collapsing from how free he felt. Yu was  _ there _ . Yu didn’t hate him and wanted to help him. Exhaling, he nodded. “Okay. Okay, can we just cuddle for a bit, then?” The request was simple, but Yosuke felt himself subconsciously clench in fear of being rejected.

“Yes we can,” Yu replied. He laid down and pulled at Yosuke to join him. Once situated, with Yu as the big spoon hugging Yosuke around his stomach, Yu pressed one last kiss to the back of Yosuke’s neck. 

For the first time in a while, Yosuke felt… calm. He wasn’t magically cured of his anxiety, but for the time being it was quiet. That’s all he could’ve asked for as he dozed off in the silver-haired boy’s arms. 

**Author's Note:**

> hewwo and welcome back to kermes projecting onto p4 characters
> 
> a sort of vent cause anxiety SUCKS! hope u enjoy
> 
> hmu @ kermeme on tumblr if u wanna talk about yu or souyo


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